Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
