I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize