I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Randomize
