i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
