Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Randomize
