all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
