What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
