He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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