Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
