i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Randomize
