Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
PS: I just woke up from my shower
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Gay?
German.
Pity.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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