drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Please don't give away my fajitas
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