question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
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