I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
