i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize