Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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