he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
