So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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