physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Randomize
