i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
What drink are we having for lunch?
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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