okay pat passed out under dana's car
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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