just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
