Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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