I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
