U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
