I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
