And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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