And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
