he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
i think im in europe. pls send help
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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