his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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