i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
