my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
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