So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
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