Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
