why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
