Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Randomize
