Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
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