Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
