Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
