Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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