dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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