Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Randomize
