This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Randomize
