nut hugger
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
