Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Randomize