I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
