I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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