I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
