Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Randomize
