Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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