I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
