just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
