Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
