Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
