there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
