dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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