I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
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