don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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