The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
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