The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
