Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
