Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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